🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?